News

So I've sat down several times to write this post and just don't know how to go about it.  This month has been a MONTH and it's only half over.  I got mastitis a couple of weeks ago after suffering from a sinus thing.  Mastitis was worse than any flu I've ever had.  I had fever and chills for days.  Sooo cold that I took baths in the hottest water our faucet would spit out just to warm up, and then proceed to sweat through everything I owned.  Like I said, I've never been that sick.  I'm tired of being sick.   Am I that person that's just always going to have something weird going on?  I mean, in the last two years I've been to the ER at least four times for myself and nothing baby related.  I even rode in an ambulance once.  I've gotten CAT scans and MRI's, I've done physical therapy and taken major drugs.  I'm tired of it.  I was always the kid who had something going on.  There was one stretch as a kid that I was taking something everyday for a long time...I don't remember what was wrong with me then but when we moved and the table was taken down a whole lot of pills fell out of the little rails underneath.  If someone was going to get ring worm or warts...it was me.  If someone was going to be plagued with varicose veins or poor eye sight, I got the lion's share.


So here is why I am writing this very negative sounding post.  My Aunt Carol was diagnosed in June with cancer.  She passed away about two months later.  She was FULL OF LIFE.  I'm talking the very happy, dynamic, fun, bright, sunshine, kooky, loving kind of person.  The person everyone wanted to be around and be more like.  She was 46. 

So I was able to go to her funeral and I came away thinking, 'what if my health just keeps getting worse?'  Have I lived life happily and to the fullest?  Maybe I should be less rigid with the kids, and more spontaneous.  I mean, I think going to the library is a monumental effort and that I'm such a good mom to get everyone there and back.  What kind of life is that?

I know we should not live in fear.  Heavenly Father does not want us to live in fear.  My aunt couldn't have detected her cancer(still not comforting).  But she must have somehow been prompted to know because she did all those spontaneous things.  She threw big parties, goofy parties, her daughter's tooth fairy had a name and wrote detailed letters about tooth furniture, she went on many cruises, and she filled her life with charity...she really, really lived.  So am I just going to be rigid and scheduled and worry about money until I am crippled in bed?

I want to really live and I want to people to say at my funeral that I LIVED and LAUGHED and was LOVING.

Take a breath parental units...you know me, baby steps will have to suffice as far as change. 

Anyway, that has been bouncing around in my head.  That and grief.  I know not everything is about me but since I write this blog my thoughts are eventually going to be written =).  Anyway, love you Aunt Carol, thanks for inspiring some changes for good in my life!

The other people in my life have had it hard.  I have been so moody since the funeral.  I am fighting a fear I think and I hope that with time it will dispell.

Calli has been really hard lately...maybe she has ear issues from the plane, maybe she's just voicing her opinion now.  Whatever the case I have had the word 'she-devil' cross my mind a few times this week.  She is eating baby food better...she hates formula and bottles and pacifiers so I guess we may go straight to sippy cups.  She has been cat napping lately and I need to get out my babywise book and see what's going on.  She is kind of clapping now but I'm not sure if she's aware of it yet.

Derek is loving his preschool.  He recognizes the other kids are younger and that is hard but he still enjoys it.

May is doing well in first grade and is much faster on her bike this year than she was last year.

Bryant was moved to a different area for safety patrol and seems to think his new area is great.  He works really hard on his homework.

Emma is playing the flute in band but complains that she doesn't have enough air for a whole note.  Her favorite teacher is her Critical Thinking teacher AKA her reading teacher....big surprise. We are in the thick of preparing for the Primary Program at church.  We asked Emma what her part was and she said, "I'm supposed to bear my testimony and tell about the third version."  HMMMM, I think I would also like to know about this third version, it sounds very interesting.  AHHHH!

Brett will be involved in a big project at work all month.  He, thankfully, was able to stay home for two of the weeks and will travel the others. 

The Best thing this month is that I am officially the Sunbeam teacher!  YAY!  Best job at church.  I love the YW but the Sunbeam lessons are like eight pages long with activities and songs, fingerplays and stories and the subject matter is simple and fun.  Compare that to the three pages of serious matters in the YW lessons you can see why my mind might appreciate the Sunbeam calling right now.

Sorry if this is a bummer of a post, you can see why I waited and waffled.  But it didn't seem right not to mention Aunt Carol or not to mention why I've not written lately.  That's why.  Now, I've got to go to sleep because I've got a cold...I'm not kidding....grrrrrr.